After all the nausea, puking, backache (and getting worse), I’m finally at my 23 weeks of pregnancy! Oh, how time flies! I know, I say that a lot. But hey, it’s sooo true.

Even so, I still have 17 weeks to go. Before this, I had 30 weeks to go, and it felt like it was gonna be forever! Now, it doesn’t sound like forever, and I kinda wished I still had a few more weeks more go to than that.

I have to admit, although I do feel terrible admitting this. There are times where I wished I wasn’t pregnant, only because there are sooo many things I miss about not being pregnant.

1. SUSHI

Yeap, probably one of the big thing I miss the most. Unable to eat sashimi means that I can only look at pictures of sushi and crave. Yet nothing I can do about it, because I wouldn’t want to risk my unborn child to listeria, salmonella and whatnots.

2. Ability to drink water without getting nauseous. 

This one kinda suck. Because I am a big fan of drinking plain water. Now, I either have to drink really cold water or flavoured drink. Otherwise I’d probably throw up my dinner.

3. Stamina

Seriously, this extra weight infront of my tummy is making me use extra energy everytime I move. I wasn’t able to run up the stairs. I could, but I’d be panting like I just did a 5km marathon. Oh well, it’s probably my fitness decline because I do a lot less exercise now. I should try prenatal yoga.

4. Walking pace

I walk pretty fast for a Malaysian. If you know what I mean. Now, I walk slower than the elderly because my lower tummy and back hurts if I walk too fast. On some bad days, I have to sit and rest every 10 mins before walking/standing.

5. Choice of clothes

Well, enough said. It’s just too depressing to talk about it.

I got a big news to share. Yep, a BIG ONE. I thought long and hard to blog about this (which made me evidently abandon my blog again). But now that I don’t have much readers, I become more comfortable to blog whatever the shit I want again.

So… I think I’m pregnant. (ok, wait WHAAAAT?) Well, actually, that’s what the pee strip says – BFP, big fat positive.

Sorry for the poor photo. This was last Friday’s test, 0n my 5th day after my period was due. See the second line right there?  And if you still don’t get it, two lines mean BIG FAT POSITIVE.

I actually took an earlier test on my first day of aunt flo’s due and that’s was when I saw my first positive. The moment I saw it, my hands were shaking, I couldn’t believe what I saw that I actually keep looking at it for the rest of the day ensuring I wasn’t imagining. I quickly woke Eddie up and  showed him the positive strip and he couldn’t see the second line. We had Subuh prayers and he went to work like nothing happened. (how dare he! haha) He went back home and I showed him again and he could see the line. Phew, I was glad I wasn’t crazy. I can see that he was thrilled but he tried not to show it too much.

Since then, I peed on a stick every morning until Friday, because I really couldn’t believe I was pregnant. And also I got addicted to peeing on a stick. Plus, it was fun to see the colour change on the stick. Like magic. hahaha

I went to the doctor on that Friday, and the doctor said I’m supposed to be 5 weeks. But, since the doctor can’t see anything during the scan,  she said I may have ovulated later in this cycle. That means I might actually be 3-4 weeks. So I’m scheduled for another scan this Friday.

I can’t quite say how I feel, YET. Of course I’m excited, (are you kidding me? Think about all the fun baby shopping!!)  but I still can’t get my head around the fact that I’m baking a tiny being in my body. I used to think pregnancy is not normal (no, seriously). But then again, I think it makes more sense than pelicans delivering babies in baskets to couples.

It’s also hard to believe that I’m pregnant. I don’t have any morning sickness or whatsoever. Other than the 6 positive tests I’ve taken, the only symptoms I have are headaches & migraines in some days, frequent bathroom runs and my boobs went up a size overnight. Oh, not to mention, my body is bloating like I just gained 10kg in 3 days which is upsetting. Why do articles out there make bloating sound so petty? UGH!

Anyway,  it’s understandable that I become slightly obsessive about waiting for my next scan. In my mind at least. My sanity depends on whether the doctor can find the tiny sac. and there better be!

Fow now, I’m doing as much sunnah salat as I can, and rehearsing surahs for pregnant mothers, hoping this little one sticks, and grow into a perfectly healthy baby. Amin!

So, I’ve been really bad to my own blog. So bad, I’ve forgotten about it. Well, no fret. One of the list in my 2013 resolution is to blog more. And, that’s my first resolution ..which I just made 2 seconds ago as I’m typing this.

One of the reason why I’ve been avoiding to blog is that I always hated whatever I’ve written in the past. Depending on the mood I’m in. And right now I’m in a pretty good mood, since it’s half past midnight. The blogsphere has changed, and very few still blog the way blogs were written.  And I’ve decided not to care whether I, you or anyone else hates it or not, because at the end of the day, I’m writing for myself.

So, what the hell am I up to right now? Absolutely nothing.

I just finished an e-commerce design job, and currently, I’m at a crossroads. I’m not sure whether I should a) Find architectural-rel job, b) set up my own bussiness or c) sit home, get a freaking hobby and nothing else.

Surely, the last one seems more ideal to me, but I can’t bear the idea of not having money (other than the weekly allowance my husband gives me).  If I’m lucky, I could be one of the very few that earns through hobbies (yeah, dream on!).

The second option seems inviting, but it requires a lot of energy, and it is the one that I would prefer most. But, I should at least put my Degree to a good use, first, before I try anything else. Which brings us to the next option; getting a job.

I could get a job, and a steady payroll, but the problem is I don’t own a car. My car is currently being used by my sister. I have my husband’s car but it’s a stick, and uh.. well, I suck at it. I don’t even know why they make stick shift anymore! Oh no no, I might get into an accident! Of course, I am an optimist, and that is just an excuse. Most importantly, is it worth it to spend 8 hours a day, 5 days a week to earn RM1,500 – RM2000? Surely, it’s a shit amount of money if you think about the hours to put in. Not to mention the stresses.

So, after having a shitty day, and having a wonderful husband who’s super encouraging, he made me realize why I even bother to consider about getting a job. It seems I’ve forgotten that life is not about the money. I wanted the experience. Or atleast, I wanted to know whether this is the industry I really want to be in. If it is, then I’ll pursue master next year. If it’s not, there’s always other opportunities.

…like being a housewife. haha, Just kidding.

It’s really hard being away from my husband. Everyday I have a hard time waking up, knowing I don’t have the purpose to get through the day. Everyday to me is a survival.

The highlight of my day is when I get to talk to my husband. And we try to be strong for each other.

Being apart is not entirely a bad thing. It has brought our marriage to the next level. We become closer to each other, and know that we can never take each other for granted, not even a day.

Had we not spend out time apart, I may not have this kind of appreciation of him. Before this, I know he makes me happy. But after being apart, now I really know how HAPPY he makes me feel. I also realized that without him, a huge part of me is missing.

He is, afterall, my better half.

at Universal Studios Singapore. Hot and sweaty. Ah, summertime.

Today’s weather is 25 degrees hot. It makes me so happy. That means spring is passing, and it’s time for summer to come and brighten the southern hemisphere with joy.

Summer in December. I’ll be the happiest girl. :joytears:

See you there, my dearest.

P.s, Sorry about the last post. Anger took its troll over me.