Ramadhan is the most holy month for Muslims and is the month where Muslims all around the world try their best to be better Muslims. Ramadhan is sweet and it’s special. However, it can also pose many challenges of different kinds to most people. One of it is maintaining patience in amidst of hunger. For me, the real test of patience is with the kids.

One of the struggle is meal time. Meal time can be a battle zone with kids, no joke. All the negotiations, and the cleaning up, IT’S HELL. And you know, during fasting month the negotiations are harder because you can’t eat to prove to them that the food is delicious.  and of course, that whole monkey-see-monkey-do situation as well.

What’s the worst thing, though? The wastage, because I can’t eat their leftover! Oh, the heartache to throw away good food.

Sara is a really picky eater. A lot of negotiations come into play just to make her eat. Sometimes, I don’t have the energy to negotiate, and let her starve until she cries for food. Although, that’s not actually helpful because it can happen at very inconvenient time. Also, I need to feed Amira too, so it’s just easier to feed them both, in terms of cleaning work.

Oh, speaking of Amira.

She likes to eat. Sort of. But here’s the thing, she’s one year and a half, and ever since she was like 11months old, she only wanted to feed herself. Yeah, sounds good right? It helps with her motor skills whatever, but you know, I am soooo tired of cleaning up the mess! But she won’t have it any other way. It’s either she won’t eat or she feeds herself. Clever little b-.

So yeah, don’t even get started with just how embarrassed I feel every time we leave a restaurant. The table and the floor is always a mess! Oh god.

Do you see what I’m dealing with?

There you go, the unglamorous life of a mom. It’s so easy to see on instagram and think that people’s life is perfect, but behind those cute pictures, there is this that people never really see. But you know what, my motto is, “pick your battle”.  On days where I don’t feel like negotiating, I just leave some biscuits accessible to them, and let them fend for themselves whenever. Let them starve until they are crying for food. Even if it means lunch is at 3pm.

And when they are sooo hungry, they would eat more with little negotiations. That, my friends, is victory.

Amira fell asleep on the baby chair right before lunch was served

Living in the crowded city of Kuala Lumpur, we sometimes find it difficult to set some time to go on a vacation. The reality is, we can’t a afford to set aside 1-2 weeks of vacation every 2-3 months HAHA. So, what do we do?

Staycation.

1-2 (or 3) nights anywhere in Malaysia. In fact, we have even simply stayed within Kuala Lumpur and simply enjoyed the nearby attractions. Last December we went to Avani Resort Sepang.

Recently however, we went to Lost World of Tambun, Ipoh, Perak. It was my previous company’s event, and a great opportunity to bring the kids out for some fun. We stalked the website, and our initial expectation was that there were many different parks there.

Ipoh is the capital city of Perak. It’s not as big and as busy as KL but it’s still vibrant with activities and culture. This would be our first time having these kind of staycation as opposed to our usual beach destinations. It’s always either beach or big cities for us.

They had several parks such as water park, petting zoo, amusement park, adventure park and few others.

However, once we got there, it turns out that all of these parks are integrated into one, including the hot springs and spa. I thought it’s such a wonderful idea, because that means, there’s always something for everyone!

Sara riding a donkey at the Petting Zoo.

Breastfeeding is an emotional journey. Your body is not yours and clothing choices are limited to ones with nursing access. Your baby is your timer.

Although my milk supply is low, Amira still won’t accept any type of formula milk from the bottle. After 7 months I stopped expressing milk at work as it was too challenging. I was hoping my milk supply would deminish due to lack of demand, but 5 months later I still find Amira attached to my breasts with no signs of weaning off. *sigh*

To me, it’s unbearable, I so desperately want to wean her off. I’ve tried many things to wean her but all were unsuccessful attempts. If anything, it made her even more upset and it feels like it gets harder every time.

I am so frustrated because while I was pregnant I told her to be the kind of baby who doesn’t care what kind of milk to eat. But noooo she did not turn up that way. Now I’m convinced all those pregnancy talk is a bunch of bullshit people tell you to make you feel better and get through pregnancy. One of many, many parenting scams. Aha!

Anyway.. As I was convinced I am in a deep shit hole (lol), I can see a little bit of hope.

On Saturday night, she woke up at around 2am. And she took a bottle of formula milk, with no fight! OMG I was so so happy. Although.. the next day, she was back to seeing the bottle as her nemesis. but yeah, I just want to cling on to the fact that she CAN but she just won’t.

Alsoo.. in addition,

A kind mother has offered to donate her extra breastmilk. Oh, I am ever so thankful!! Amira was fine taking breast milk in the bottle so I hope that she can accept it. I mean, it has been months since she took a bottle. So yesterday we met the family and they are such such wonderful people. They also have an older son which is turning 5 and Sara and him just hit it off.

I know that Amira will eventually wean off. It’s just that I feel this immense feeling of torture breastfeeding her. However, getting the donated breastmilk somehow gives me hope. Maybe I can use this to slowly transition her to accept milk in a bottle and eventually whole/formula milk.

Here’s hoping to a better (happy) future.

p.s, I’m sorry if this post seems very negative. I am in no way condemning breastfeeding as I know it is best for baby. but hey, this is a personal outlet to express my feelings. I’m pretty sure my husband had heard enough of just how much I desperately need to stop breastfeeding. So..

ok bye.

I gave birth to Amira, my second baby, much later than I had hoped (between 38-39 weeks). I have been trying to induce labour naturally since I was 38 weeks + by doing aerobics and keeping active, but the labour was nowhere in sight. I was getting nervous that I would birth to a large baby.

Then, came 27th January, a day before due date. I had a check up that morning with Dr. Hamiza at Gombak Medical Center. I went to the hospital all by myself, drove all the way from Shah Alam. While driving, I felt slightly more intense braxton hicks (or a.k.a false) contractions, accompanied with pressure somewhere on my pelvis.

However, upon CTG scan at the hospital, it was not at all contractions. The doctor predicted the labour will be soon as the baby had already engaged. I was excited, but I tried not to get too excited as I had been disappointed by frequent BH contractions that went all night long only to wake up to a perfectly normal day few days before.

I drove back home with BH that happened twice every hour. Then, that noon I had a rather pink or slightly brown show on my panty.

Ok, now I’m excited.

But again, I tried not to get too excited. I ignored the show and went on the day as usual, I was making a busy book for Sara. At around 4pm, I noticed that the BH got slightly stronger to a point that I had to focus on my breathing. It wasn’t painful, it was just this tightening sensation around my abdomen that’s making me hard to breathe.

I didn’t want to make Edwin too excited so I just told him to finish off his work quickly. Might happen tonight, or maybe even tomorrow morning. I decided to try to take a nap in case if it does happen tonight.

I probably got 5mins of nap. I timed the surges and they were 20 minutes apart.

Ok, better get ready! I cleaned up some loose ends around the room and packed the toiletries. Our hospital bag is ready to go in the car. Packed Sara’s bag for her Opah.  Then, came Asar, so I prayed. Tried to get more naps. After that, I bounced on gymball with each surge. Cleaned up all the craft supplies off the desk. All these while entertaining my 2-year-old toddler.

6:00 pm

Told my mum that I was in labour. Drank goat’s milk, ate a lot of dates. Made a bottle raspberry leaf tea. Then Edwin came down to the kitchen to help me with surges. We hugged, sometimes I squat while he massaged my back, he breathed with me. We were like in-sync all through the surges, it was so wonderful.  By now, surges were already 10 minutes apart, and this is the time the doctor advised to go to hospital. But I wasn’t ready! My mom took over Sara. I went upstairs to take a shower, while husband prepared coconut water.

A long good, hot shower. Oh, it felt sooo nice. Surges were 5 minutes apart. I had 3 surges while in the shower and it almost didn’t feel a thing.

7.30pm

We had dinner. I ate a full plate of rice and chicken tom yam. I surprised myself that my appetite was still there. Yeah, I needed the energy. After azan, we immediately prayed Maghrib. I prayed as usual.

8.00 pm

We were on the road, on the way to hospital. I called the Doctor’s handphone number to let her know that I was on the way. ETA 45 minutes. Surges were a lot worse in the car. At some point I lost control and cried. I pulled myself together and focused on breathing. My husband held my hand with every surges. We brought a hot water compress in the car, and it was helpful. I drank coconut water between surges.