I saw a friend’s post on facebook today complaining that he was annoyed with the typical “dah ada isi ke belum?” or “bila nak ada anak?” which striked me to do this post. This is a typical scenario experienced by all newlyweds.
I got married about a month after I turned 21 (in 2011). Such a young age in today’s world. I too was bombarded with those typical questions usually by makcik-makcik. However, after I told them that I was gonna pursue my final year degree first, most of them asked me “when are you gonna have kids, then? Jangan tangguh lama-lama”. I usually just fake a smile and try not to show that I was annoyed.
Here’s the thing.
I don’t believe that having kids is the first thing you should do after getting married. No one should be pressured to do it if that’s not what they want. Some people (like my husband and I) prefer to enjoy our time alone and get to know each other first, adapt to each other before having an addition to the family. Of course this is purely subjective to everyone.
Some people believe that having a baby will be ‘pengikat kasih’.
Personally, I beg to differ. I feel like if you were to love your spouse, love him/her for who they are, and not because he/she is the father/mother of your child. What I’m saying is, that should not be the basis of your love. If you are the lucky ones, over time you will come to love each other because of each other. Some, will be quite the opposite, God forbid. Of course, best if you can love your spouse for Allah. But let’s face it, not everyone know how to do that.
Seriously, go have fun with your partner. Get to know each other first. Fall in love. Then have kids.
Now, let’s move on to our main point, family & peer pressure.
This can be tricky to deal with, especially if you are sensitive by nature. The pressure from people around you to have kids can be overwhelming. The worst people who can give you the pressure are your in-laws and perhaps your own parents. There is no avoiding this. The difference is how great the pressure is. Mine wasn’t bad at all. The only one who pressured was my own mum and it was annoying enough, no thank you. Hahaha. The best way to deal with this is (not quite simply) to ignore it.
It can be hard to ignore, and having an understanding husband is crucial. Even if you both want children, you should not feel the pressure to do so. Here’s why: if you are stressed, you are less likely to ovulate. If you don’t believe me, google it, or ask a doctor. Not to mention, it can rip the joys of being newly married or trying to get pregnant out of you.
If you are not ready for kids, try to dodge the question or try to be patient and say “InsyaAllah bila ada rezeki“. Usually that will shut them up.
When you are ready, you are ready.
Sure, we can’t all just wait to be ready. It’s the same concept like getting married, you will never be ready. That’s why they call it, taking the plunge. Same goes with having babies.
Thus, personally, the decision to have a baby should be an informed decision that both of you ARE (or sort of) ready to be parents. Again, I must stress here, not purely because you want your husband to love you more, or worse, because anyone pressured you to.
Also, when you are ready, before you even try to conceive, do a little bit of research. Some people don’t even understand how the science works and in turn, got frustrated (not to mention increased pressure) when they don’t get pregnant as fast as they hope. So, making an informed decision is as important. You don’t have to know the details down to the microscopic level, just find out how to understand your body and take the right supplements.
Lastly, consider your S.O.
Of course, sometimes you have to consider your significant other (S.O.). If your husband has been asking for a baby, maybe you should consider it. Eddie played a big role in my decision to have a baby. He kept planting the idea to have a baby while I was still studying, and I got the hint, okay. Although, when I asked him, he always said it was up to me because it’s my body.
So finally, I agreed because I pitied him (haha), and I can’t be selfish. He’s turning 30, and he would really like to have a kid by 30 so that’s what I’m giving him. There are several reasons, actually. He quit smoking, and that’s also a major cause as an encouragement for him. Not to mention, I feel like the time is right, for every reason. and Alhamdulillah, Allah is making it happen and He knows best.
I’m a firm believer of do-what-want-if-you-feel-it’s-right. And now it’s my opportunity to say, do what you want! If you’re not ready to have kids, that’s fine. Go, travel around the world, do the things you want to do, because once you start having kids, you may not be able to do certain things, at least not until your kids are at certain age. If you are ready to have kids, no matter how early, do it! And, never stress about it, let it happen in the hands of God. ;)
Something unexpected happened; my blog was hacked! wtf. As if I said something to offend someone, pfft. Apparently, they are some indonesian hackers, ugh so annoying! Seriously, what did I do in the past to deserve this?
It started two days ago, but my hosting provider was able to recover my blog within a few hours. So, that was good. Then, today, it happened again, of course with the same hacker. Ok, now I’m frustrated. Like this:
Then I contacted my provider to help solve the problem. This time it took them a bit longer. However, once the problem solved, and I was almost happy, I changed all my passwords. Within minutes, as I was typing the intro to this entry, I was suddenly logged out, and turned out, my username and password had been changed without my permission. It seemed like it was the same username and password the hacker used before.
How the heck did they do it? After emailing the provider to help, and reading some articles to harden wordpress online (which turned out to be useless), I changed my username and password through php database thing via cpanel. Again, within minutes the hacker changed them again. Seriously?
Ok, now I’m furious. I mean, nobody can mess with a pregnant lady. NOBODY. Read more >>
One of the group that generates economy is the youth. Where there are a lot of youth, that area will bloom in short amount of time. For example, when there’s a university, the surrounding area tend to grow rapidly than areas where there are no universities. So, it’s no surprise that credit card companies are targeting youths to use credit card.
So, my proposal for a youth credit card is emphasizing the lifestyle of youth such as shopping malls, recreation (cycling, hiking, snorkling), travelling, and eating. This time of youth, where there are far less responsibilities than adults, and being at legal age, it is an ideal time for exploration. Which explains why the youths spend their free time to go out and do something fun.
And, let’s be honest, when there’s fun, so are costs. Even something free, such as cycling costs a bike, or hiking needs petrol money to get there. Sometimes, carrying cash is not ideal, as it’s bulky, and risky, with all the crimes going on nowadays. As a plus, parallel to youth’s spontaneity nature, credit card allows them to pay for an activity they didn’t plan on, which makes it more fun!
Hence, my credit card design is intended to have a fun vibe, while still sending a message without being serious. The city serves as a place for the youth to spend their time (hence, money). This unrestricted flow of the design signifies the youth’s spontaneity. However it still follows a loose grid, suggesting that youths are not always all about fun & being spontaneous, but also being responsible for their own spending. The unique overall character of this design, gives a sense of expression to the youth, thereby helps to encourage the use of this card.
Thank you Nuffnang for this contest, it was a fun one. And may the best design wins! Also, thank you to my husband for a lot of help with this design. ;)
*BE WARNED THERE’S A LOT OF EXCITEMENT IN THIS POST*
Can u see that? It’s like a micromini sac, measuring approx 0.9cm. HAH! So TINY! I showed this to my mom and she said this is what I looked like too. AWW….
The doctor also did a UPT, just to confirm my pregnancy, and yeaay! This was my 4th urine this morning and the line is a lot darker than last week (which is a good indication). Yes, it was 8.30pm and I already peed that much. Oh, the perks of your uterus expanding and suppressing the tiny bladder.
Now, I can stop worrying about believing whether or not I’m really pregnant, because, I can just stick the ultrasound image on the wall to remind me that I’m pregnant. Seriously, I always forget that I am, and ended up running up and down the stairs (yes, I literally RUN up & down the stairs, it’s a habit of mine). And then I’d feel paranoid for a second. Eddie has to always remind me to take it easy.
She’s (he or she) is not a fetus yet. More like an embryo in a tiny amniotic sac at this stage. I think. Whatever it is, this one already seems like a one tough fella. He/she will just shrug whenever she face the toughest challenges in life, and move on like a badass. Yes, be sticky, and grow big, little one! Mummy’s gonna enjoy her last moments feeling free(ish) before morning sickness kicks in. ha ha ha
Anyway, I’m officially 6 weeks now. And the estimated due date is around November 7. I thought that would be a nice birthday present for the father of this baby. Imagine, a son/daughter for a birthday present, whaaat! Hint: I better get a kickass birthday gift this year!
*sigh* so many joys of life that I have to give up until this baby is out. Like coffee; caffeine makes me urinate even more than I already am. and then, there’s sushi. OMG. I don’t know how am I gonna live without sushi. andwhen my baby grow up and read this now, I’m sure she’ll shed some tears of joy, because damn she’ll know how much I LOVE sushi! and I just got a fixed gear bike, which I have to ride with caution! and if possible I want to ride the hills, let my hands go and slide down the hill, feel the wind penetrate my hijab and feel FREEEEEE hahahaaha (dramatic much?).
and most of all, the joys of eating without worries. Now, I eat everything with caution. I keep asking myself if it’s good for my baby, does it have too much MSG, or preservatives in it.. bla..bla..bla… So much to learn, my brain has expanded twice its size since I suspected I’d be pregnant.
Gosh, it’s unbelievable how fast I got pregnant. We just decided to try mid January (after much contemplation on my end). And by the time we decided, my ovulation had already passed, so last cycle was out. Then, we tried for the first time in following month, and after a lot of baby dance (haha) and du’a, we scored! Way to go swimmers! I’m so thankful to Allah that we don’t have to go through painful challenges just to conceive, and I hope I’d be blessed with wonderful (and I mean less torturing) pregnancy and this baby will come out beautiful & healthy. Aminnn :D