The Internet’s been so bonkers. One minute it’s fine, (and really fast) but the next, it’s gone. It’s like when someone gives you your favourite candy and in the midst of enjoying the rich cherry flavour, that person snatches it back before you even get to the bubble gum in the center.

As some of you might already aware of, I like to create things. Though I know I’m not as great as many other hobbyists, I know I’m good to a certain extend. I know that I have taste, but I have yet to express it. I won’t call myself a fashion designer even though I design my own patterns now because I’m not even sure if I’m making clothes or fashion. Fashion are not clothes and vice versa. Fashion is more than just clothes. There’s something about it that makes people very nervous about. Clothes are just something that people wear. There are cute clothes and ugly clothes. And there’s fashion.

Anyway, the thing is, I get demotivated really easily, especially when that criticism comes from people whom I care about, like my mum. I think she doesn’t really know the art of criticism that what she says can be harsh and insulting. Lets say when I try to pitch her my ideas about my projects, she goes to saying something rather negative directly, often short without any explanation. Sure, it does make me take a step back and rethink but mostly, it stirs the impression that maybe I’m just not good enough. I’m already hearing criticism or comments from other people and all I want to hear is a bit of confident boost so that I’ll make something better in that direction.Despite all that, in the end, I still manage to find strength to work my way through it, and kick ass.

Telling my mum about my next garment making project isn’t going to do me any good as she doesn’t see my point of view. I regret the fact that I consulted her and well, it influenced my direction and I was mislead. In the end, I hated the result, thinking I should’ve made it what I wanted it to be in the first place. Sometimes I know what she says is true but I was in denial. I learn things on my own, a self-taught and along the way, sometimes I make mistakes and stumble. But that’s okay, I should allow myself to make mistakes.

So, in short, the lesson learned is:

a) When in doubt, keep it simple.

b) When something doesn’t feel right, it doesnt. Follow your guts. Learn to trust your instincts.

c) Plan ahead, and go for it.

And I think, these three lessons are applicable for many cases.

The reason why I’m writing this is because I made a few clothes over the weeks and I have one that’s unfinished because I really hate it and do not even wish to continue working on it cause I feel like it’s not worth it, (there goes 30 bucks of fabric). One, which I’m not too sure of, I think it looks too androgynous but the fit is great. Another one that I can’t decide whether to hate it or love it because I screwed up the fit and it went off a lil’ bit and I’m just a goddamn perfectionist.

On the bright side, I’ve lost a few kilos (and a bit of boobies) so I enjoy looking at my stripped bod in front of the mirror right now, (except after I had lunch) imagining myself having those hate-it-or-love-it stick figure bods we see on the runway. I know I sound vain, but deep down, aren’t we all?  We just hate to admit it.

p.s, I want to fly to US , buy a whole lot of Aldo shoes and live with them.