I noticed that my PMS is getting worse each month. I’m not talking about the menstrual cramps. Cause I rarely get it, or even if I have it, it’s just a mild case. Except for headaches (a lot of it). I’m talking about the mood swings.

*shouts to Aida to shut up*

*waits for a while*

(she’s not stopping)

(still doing that annoying sound)

*sighs*

Ok, back to the topic.

“OMG, AIDA, SHUT UP!”

ok, as I was saying… my mood swings is getting worse and worse each month. I know I get cranky during those times, starting about 3 days before my period, but I also get super sensitive too. And, weirdly, I feel sad and lonely.

Damn, man. I’m serious.

I noticed this pattern since a few months ago. Lemme break it down for you.

3-7 days before:
- massive cravings for food. Extreme eating behaviour.
- cranky and picking up on fights.
- super duper sensitive
- mood swings
- feeling depressed over small things
- body feels bloated.
- feeling fat and ugly. (oh wait, I feel fat ALMOST all the time)
- HEADACHES
- Breast swelling
- Pimple T_T

during the period (4-7 days):
- not much appetite to eat
- cranky and picking up on fights.
- super sensitive
- feeling sad and lonely
- CRYING. (wtf)
- getting depressed over teenie tiny things
- no mood to do anything

Compare these with this. I have all of those.

So If I have my period for 7 days, PMS 7 days, and the circle is 28 days, I only have 14 days of sanity mind in every 28 days. How psychotic is that? If I have a man, surely he’ll suffer for 14 days in every 28 days.

hahahahahha!

oh f*ck, is it getting worse cause I’m getting older?

And, why the hell am I blogging about this?

Just when I thought I could relax a bit. Just a littttle bit. Great.

Seriously, I’m telling you, it’s damn heavy.

We have an exam for History of Art next week, and that’s the deadline for the journal’s submission. Both are for Poon’s class.

In short, we have to compile our journal by the end of this week, and AT THE SAME TIME, do some readings for the exam.

shhhhhhhhhhhit.

Then, me, and 8 other people have to do some event management. We are going to organize an exhibition. This is the summary:

1. posters and flyers
2. invitations (for all the lecturers and staffs, including the principal, Tatsun and Veronica)
3. come up with a theme/name for the exhibition
4. arrange freaking 42 artworks in total, (paintings + installations).

sounds fun, eh?  It is. But being too busy with so many things can kill too.

On top of that, I also have computer application assignment. I’m pretty confident with my concept. It’s going to be a surreal kind of photo manipulation . I’m sorting out the props at this moment. The problem is now, I don’t have a suitable lens to do that kind of photography. Or better yet, a photographer. I think having the lens is more important.

I have to do the photoshoot within this week, by hook or by crook.

This Saturday is already burned, I have to attend a wedding. =)

Oh, guess what?  The anthro (animal + human) clay sculpture that I did last night, cracked this morning when I woke up.

Then, when I got back home after class this evening…

it cracked even worse.

WTF!!! That was 7 fucking hours worth of work! I don’t want to re-do it. Most of my classmate’s clays also cracked and patching it up actually make it worse.

OMGOSH! T_T

can die ok!

*lacerates throat*

yeay! I’m dead. weee!

.

.

.

.

-_____-”

Apparently, Yi Ling also wants to die. haha.

==========

Reminder: this is what happened to me on Saturday.

Evening.

*sits in front of computer*

*opens word*

*opens researched materials*

*tries typing essay*

*clicks on deviantart*

*gets distracted*

11:30pm.

Oh shit! I havent started on doing my essay. ah! Babi babi babi! Damn damn damn. babi. AAAAAAAAH!

note: babi here is a curse word.

*counts hours left before submission date*

*panics*

*couldn’t breathe, brain not functioning*

help!

*grabs handphone*

*dials a number*

*says hello*

*hears his voice*

*melts*

*talks*

*says bye*

*hangs up*

*inhale* *exhale*

fuh!

*feeling motivated and spirited*

now, do essay.

Sunday

oh shit! It’s already noon and I haven’t continue doing my essay. 10 pages left. Ah, I’m dead.

Wait, going to watch Wanted first.

*watches wanted on computer*

(suddenly, the electricity tripped due to heavy rain)

ah. fuck.

*don’t care*

*the movie has ended, anyway*

*grabs camera*

*plays with camera*

*stops*

*inhale, exhale*

*takes a pen*

*writes something down on neon sticky notes*

*pastes the sticky note at a very APPROPRIATE and visible spot*

*mum comes into the room*

*feeling nervous*

*wishes mum won’t see the notes*

*shows her pictures I’ve taken*

no words from mum.

fuh!

A few moments later,

*have one final discussion with kim*

*Promises kim to send her my completed part ASAP*

*kim leaves*

*plays with rabbits*

*looks at watch*

8pm.

damn, need to do essay

*turns on the TV*

oh! The Last Holiday is on air. Gonna watch it! (I’ve watched it at least three times already)

*feeling guilty*

*very guilty*

*tries to lift butt in effort to leave the tv*

failed.

*tries again*

failed.

I’m an epic failure.

*gives up*

*continues watching*

*finishes watching*

*looks at watch*

*cried out of panic*

60 secs later…

*stops*

*sits in front of computer*

1 hour later.

*goes to kitchen*

*finds chocolate*

(no chocs home)

*wishing someone would bring some chocolates over*

*feeling frustrated*

*walks into the tv room*

*sees mum watching a funny Malay movie*

*joins her*

*sits in a weird posture*

*falls asleep*

………

………….

……………..

*wakes up*

*looks at watch*

12am

*remembers that the essay must be done*

*… by hook or by crook*

*sits in front of computer*

*looks at the sticky notes*

*stares at the sticky notes*

*blinks eyes*

*winks*

*twitches*

*stares again*

*goes to the mirror*

*feeling vain*

*sees fat*

*stops feeling vain*

*feeling pathetic*

*goes to computer*

*continues finishing the essay*

==========

Now that the essay is done, half of the burden is gone, for this subject. That’s what the lecturer said. I don’t believe him. I think it’s only a quarter gone. There’s journal, and exhibition. and stupid exam.

After a week of bugging us (me and my parents), Aida finally got what she wanted.

p.s, I can’t believe I’m actually excited!

Then, in form two (14 years old), I’ve became more conscious about my weight. I still have my vital stats back then -I wrote it down in my journal. And yes, I won’t throw away that journal, despite it has only a few written pages (for some reasons, I teared more than half of the pages). My stats were, 30″-22.5″-33.5″. And I was aiming to become skinnier than that!

Imagine how skinny I was. When I read that, I just couldn’t believe it. I’ve always thought I was bigger than that! I’ve even went on diet, but it was on and off. It wasn’t a healthy diet at all. I was starving myself occasionally. But I wasn’t that serious about loosing weight, as far as I remember.

Then, my friends told me how skinny I was.

I couldn’t believe what they said. There was one time I believed them and I actually ate more to gain weight, cause they said I looked like a flat stick. hahah.

Then, form three. I moved to a new school. Although I made a lot of friends on the first few weeks of school, and actually became the attention, for a while (you know, new kid in school), but I missed my old friends. And started to feel lonely and ate more. For the first half of 2005, I didn’t worry about my weight.

Then, I became 47kgs, at 159cm.

I was worried. So, I was controlling my food intake. I didn’t starve in that year, though. As far as I remember.

Then, came 2006. In the first few months, it was alright. Then, I started to feel conscious about my weight. Slowly, my weight had increased to 50kgs. I went to Saudi Arabia in that year, and when I got back, I realised that I’ve gained a few kgs. The food there was damn good okay! Anyhoo. When I got back, I was 53kgs.

That was my fattest time.

I managed to lose 2kgs. But I gained back the weight I lost during Eid. In 2007, I’ve became even more desperate. I was 53kgs still. Then, I started to go on a diet. This time, a healthier diet. You know, more veggies, but I didn’t starve myself. I didn’t stick to the diet religiously, though.

I managed to lose 2kgs, in the first two weeks. It wasn’t hard, actually. Probably because I was having my sprint training at that time.

Then, in all of a sudden, I became more desperate. I felt so so so fat, and I needed to be skinny. Fast.

And that’s when it started. I began to starve myself.

I kept a food diary, and wrote whatever I ate in that diary. Everyday, my calorie intake became less and less. It even became 300kcals per day. Sometimes, even 0kcals in a day. My first aim was to be 47kgs.

After I’ve reached my 47kgs goal, I realised that it didn’t make any difference to me at all, visually. In fact, I didn’t even feel skinnier. Not even the slightest bit. Then, I aimed for 42kgs.

I starved, and starved, and starved. And starved. If i felt hungry, I drank lotsa water, and If I couldn’t bear it anymore, I went to sleep. After a few days of starving, I binged. Then, after feeling guilty, I throw up.

And that cycle went on and on.This is how my to-do list looked like.

1. wake up (if possible)

2. survive the day

3. sleep

Everyday was a battle.

Even if I didn’t eat on that day, I’d still go to the park to exercise. sometimes, I even exercised twice a day. I watched thinspo on youtube before I exercise as my motivations.

I couldn’t concentrate in class. I sat at the back of the class, sleeping. And, if I wasn’t sleeping, there could only be 3 things. It’s either, a)doodling b) talking or c) counting my ribs. My mind was too occupied with food/loosing weight/ exercise to even concentrate to do any anything else. I skipped schools many times, telling my mum that I wanted to study at home, while the facts were, I didn’t want to be seen NOT eating by friends, I couldn’t concentrate in class, I was always so tired, and also because I felt that I was too fat to be seen.

Even my friends noticed my changes. They said that I looked sad, and sick, which was unusual, since I’ve always been a cheerful and hyperactive girl. I didn’t know that I was ’sick’. I lost a lot of hair, and I’ve stopped getting my menstruation.

I’ve also been avoiding people -friends and family; deny every invitation, and isolate myself from them. I had to take a few days to decide whether to go to a party, and select my clothes to be worn on that day. My main concerns at that time were, the food, and wearing anything that would make me appear fat. Therefore, I chose to spend my time alone and let myself sank deep into my world of misery. As an extroverted person, isolating myself from people is definitely out of the norm.

I thought I was fat, and ugly. and not attractive at all. Plus, I had my braces, which totally add the ugly factor. I showed to my friends a sketch of how I saw my body. And she was like, “Aisyah, that is not how you look like! You are way skinnier than that!”  Seriously, I couldn’t believe it. To give you an idea, I was, say, 45kgs - 42kgs at that time, and I saw myself as a person who was weighing at 65kgs.  That’s how I saw myself. I couldn’t see myself as I were. I was totally blinded. Wait, let me rephrase that.

I wasn’t blinded, I could see what wasn’t there. I saw it with my own eyes, therefore, I decided to believe what I saw. I didn’t do much shopping in that year, because I believed that I couldn’t fit into anything, and I wasn’t going for a bigger size. I wanted to fit size 2, and size 2 only.

Then, I reached my goal weight, 42kgs. Guess what? I didn’t feel any difference at all! In fact, I felt even fatter than before. Even fatter 53kgs. Seriously. I started to aim for 40kgs. At that time, I was already weak. I couldn’t lift heavy things, I couldn’t walk under the hot sun, and I kept feeling cold all the time. Sometimes, I can even feel like my ribs were bruising. I kept checking them to make sure I didn’t break them or anything. (haha)

I kept working on to lose more weight. But at that time, my weight loss was super slow. I kept going between 42 and 43kgs -never less. And I started to consider giving up.

I was so scared that I was going to end up being a fat cow. I was so afraid that I was going to be like this forever and will never get my way out of this. I felt so trapped. Then, suddenly, my parents talked to me about this. After seeing me became skinny, they were suspecting something. My dad suddenly mentioned about teenagers with ED. He noticed that I always go to the toilet every time after meal, or deny my meals. My mum cried to me, telling me to stop doing this to myself. She said that being skinny is not worth risking my life. She even said that I was too smart to have an ED. (I hate to agree with my mum about this)

That sort of clicked me.  I tried to eat a little bit. I allowed myself to actually eat a bit more. But still, I was in dilemma, whether to follow what my mum said, or follow what my heart was saying.

I loved being in control. It made me feel superior. I watched my friends eating MY food, and I deny any food offer from anyone, whatever the food may be. I learned to say no. I never told anyone that I was dieting, though. Cause I know people like to sabotage others.

I was so scared that If I started eating, I’d lose my control and eat more. That’s why exactly I chose not to eat at all.

I couldn’t really remember how I began to eat. I think it was because of Ramadhan, and I actually ate for break fast during the fasting month. After Eid, I became 45kgs. It was totally expected, since my metabolism was screwed up, due to many months of starvation.

2008.

Then, slowly, I started eating. I found a wonderful guy, and he made me feel better about my body. I never knew that my body could be attractive, actually. Sure, I’ve complained a few times about how fat I was, (and I hate myself for doing that), but my poor body image has improved since. I was so happy about myself, my body, and… um, basically, I was happy.

Still am, though.

I’ve also gained my confidence. Well, I’ve always felt confident about myself for a lot of things, but this time, I’ve also gained my confidence about my body.

After about 8-9 months of no menstruation, I got my menstruation back. My hair stops falling, and I I’ve become more energetic, and cheerful.

Slowly, I’ve began to learn to accept my body. Accept the fact that there are skinny people and fat people. Most importantly, accept me for who I am. And know that I am beautiful in many ways. Along with all of those, I’ve started to go back to my social life, and being closer to my family. At that moment, I knew I’ve gotten my life back. I’ve won the battle.

This time, the victory is not surviving the day, but surviving the battle.

Except, now, the fat feeling is creeping back to me. It’s coming back slowly, mildly, but, surely, it’s getting stronger. Just now, I was thinking of starving myself!! but, naaah, I don’t think that would happen. I can see myself a little chubby. but this time, I’m pretty sure I see myself just the way I truly am, and I’m not seeing what can’t be seen.

Aisyah, please don’t get yourself trapped again, I love you so much.

p.s, lengthy rambling entry, and I’m sleepy. sorry if it sounds pretty messed up.  (haha)

p.p.s, In your comments, please don’t tell me HOW to lose weight. you u do so, I’ll delete it.

p.p.p.s, I’m not seeking for any sympathy, or attention. Not sure why I’m blogging this, either.

p.p.p.p.s, don’t be surprised if this post suddenly goes missing. I might delete it anytime I wish.

That night, we talked about our high schools, guys, and lesbians before we went to bed. The room was too comfy not to go to bed that we just had to sleep. haha. Here is what we talked during the morning exercise, on the second day.

Ning: Aisyah, last night was a strange night.
Me: er.. why?
Ning: when I was in the middle of my sleep, I felt something on my waist. And it felt soft behind me.
Me: really?
Ning: Yes. At that time, I could only pray to god that the thing that touched me won’t go up. It moved a bit, but never went up.
Me: oh, no….
Ning: You know what? It was you.
Me: … o_0
Ning: Yes, you hugged me.
Me: Oh. My. God.
Ning: You even had your legs crossed over mine.
Me: SERIOUSLY?
Ning: Yes. Didn’t you remember?
Me: No! Not at all. omigod. hahaha.
Ning: I know. That’s not all.
Me: What more? -_-
Ning: You were making sounds.
Me: really? hahaha. what kind of sound?
Ning: It was like a moan. No! A groan. Not that kinky. Wait, I don’t remember. but it’s a bit like a groan.
Me: ohkaaay. I don’t remember having any dream. All I know is, I lied down, then the next thing I know, Meng (the lecturer) was whistling, waking us up.
Ning: you seriously couldn’t remember huh? I thought you were just testing me if I was gay.
Me: no! omgosh, that’s so gay.
Ning: ok, now I’m relieved. It wasn’t at all kinky, it was kinda cute. haha.
Me: haha. I hope I didn’t dream anything kinky. Maybe I just missed my bolster.
Ning: We’ll see.

Yes, I even bought my small tiny bolster. Then, after the morning exercise, we went into the room and see where my bolster was.

Ning: ah, no wonder you hugged me in your sleep. See where your bolster is?
Me: Where? *looked around*

*it’s at the end of the mattress*

Me: oh okay, no wonder.
Ning: I want to have a sleepover again! with you!
Me: -_______-

Overall the trip was loads of fun, despite the gastric and the labouring. But.. I’ll blog all about it later, when I have the time to edit the photos! :D

EDIT: Here’s what Yi Ning blogged about this ‘incident’. Copied from her private blog.

*****

Well, Aisyah already blogged about this, but I still wanna talk about it. ;p

Instead of the conversation way, I’m gonna blog about my thoughts during that lil incident. Hehe.

——————

*sleeping peacefully*

*groaning sound*

me: swt…ignore la.

*hands suddenly crept up my waist*

me: huh….?

………

me: she’s HUGGING me?! o.O DANG! She’s taking what I said too seriously!!!

…….

*groaning sound*

me: ….. oh dang.

*her hands move slightly*

me: God, please don’t let it touch my breast. =.=

*waits a while*

me: ok, fine. She ain’t moving. Sigh. I’m not a lesbian, yet I don’t mind some..erm..’sisterly’ love. Back to sleep then. *shrugs*

—————-

Exploration week is so mysterious. This sem seem to be more meaningful than the previous though.

I learned that I’m 101% straight.

Yeah~ And I’m proud of it. ;p

***

To think about stuffs, finish some stuffs and probabbly stop doing some stuffs.

“Stuffs stuffs”.

In my attempt to release some stress.

..I did some photo editing. Nothing fancy.

I need to finish my sculpture.

Do the fucking history essay.

Do a sketch for a poster, based on one piece of unnecessary knowledge.

Make a refined sketch of my Design final project, and experiment with the materials.

And do a self-portrait drawing. An emo, serious or mournful portrait. NO ‘acting cute’ portraits.

Great. Just when I need it. I’ve been so depressed lately.

Fat. Fat. Work. Assignments. Time. Sleep.

Bye.

So, instead of writing about what I’ve regret, here are some of things that I’ve learnt the hard way. You might not agree with me, but these are my opinions, based on true stories.

#1. Everything that we do has its consequences and it’s you, *insert your name here* is the one who’s responsible for it.

#2. Being nice is not good. Too nice is worse. You’ve gotta be a bitch sometimes. At the right time, of course.

#3. To lead, you must be a follower (or at least know how to be one or was one).

#4. To master the art of arguing, you must first face your fear and know where you stand.

#5. If you can’t master the art of arguing, it’s safe to say that YOU ARE WEAK.

#6. If you do not dare to express your opinion, you are weak, too. It’s a free country for god’s sake. Say what you want, buddy!

#7. True love does not exist. It does, but only in fairytale. The truth is, it’s a game.

#8. We girls like bad boys more than we like good boys -same goes for the guys.

#9. To be treated like a princess/queen, act like one

#10. You can’t accept apologies bluntly. You must give him a taste of his own medicine, first before you
forgive. Give them time to regret or think about what they’ve done.

#11. People can change. Easily. Even within an overnight. Hey, epiphanies happen.

#12. If you show your affection first, you lose. You won’t get to be in control.

#13. Always look before you reverse your car.

#14. Help people! You’ve gotta do good deeds. Later, when you have a problem, there will be help that comes to you. It’s karma, baby.

#15. Luck = timing + opportunity. Bad luck does not exist, it’s all in your head. Always look at the bright side

#16. Everything happens for a reason. I know, you know, everyone knows. But, what some of you do not know is that, it depends on how you view it.

#17. Girls, when your girlfriend is in a relationship. She’s a totally different person. Chances are, you wouldn’t know her when she got a new boyfriend (does not apply to everyone). Either let her go, or suck it up. Don’t worry, she’ll come back to you when she breaks up with her boyfriend. T_T

#18. Don’t just speak, whine, rant and cry. Take actions, take control, if possible.

#19. If you want to get rid of something, just get rid of it already. Don’t delay, and/or keep them. Soon it will create a lot of junk. Grow up.**

#20. If you try to act like someone for too long, it will soon take over you and you can become that person. (Why not try to act as if you are the boss, then? haha)

#21. Don’t kiss too early.

#23. Don’t fuck your friend.

(what happened to #22?)

#24. In a relationship, there’s always one of the two who would sacrifice more than the other.

#25. Sometimes, the best thing to do for your loved ones is to let him/her go.

#26. Friends don’t last forever. They come and go.

#27. When in doubt, just go for it. buy it.

#28. You are your best ‘cheerleader’ a.k.a. motivator.

#29. If you don’t have anyone to go to the movies with, go alone. Just enjoy it.

#30. Finally, don’t be stupid.

Since #22 is missing, there’s only 29 in total. haha.

It’s safe to say that I’ve learned all these roughly from Oct 2007 to date. It’s amazing that I’ve learned so many things in just a year.

I’m damn busy. Won’t be updating my blog. I hope.

‘It’ could mean emotional baggage, memories or stuffs that may or may not contain sentimental values. It could even refers to someone. ^back

Promosi: Disebabkan saya gian mahu berblog dalam bahasa, kini saya ada blog dalam bahasa Melayu. Lebih personal dan lebih merapu rapik.

Some people are so judgemental. They judge everything. They make early conclusions. They judge people from a tiny piece of information about that particular person. I mean, come on, that’s just a tiny piece of ‘information’. It might not even true. and, perhaps, the person who wrote that tiny piece of information is not even serious about it.

As a human, we judge other people. We categorize other people.
A punk
A skinhead
A gothic
A I-want-to-suicide-by-swallowing-pills-and-get-found-emo
An indie
Mr. Know-it-all
An airhead
An attention addict
A loner
A super geek who has no life
A person with a very low self-esteem who always mess up
A nerd.
An average person

Why can’t we just be… who we are? I am Aisyah. And I am me. I’m not any of the categories and I’m not an average person either. I’m not afraid to admit that I am myself.

Sure, as a human, I too can’t get away from judging people. But I try not to judge people. Before I say the conclusion, I’d say something like, “based on what he/she writes here, she is ….[fill in the blank]. but of course, it’s just an early assumption and I might be totally wrong”. Then again, who am I to judge other people. Actually, why would I want to judge others, in the first place?

What difference would it make if you judge someone? Would the person you are judging change? Do you actually think that you can change something by judging?

Of course NOT!

So, what’s the point of judging people?

I think, people who judge others want to feel good about themselves by putting others down. They want to feel like they are good and all that, and would be able to say, “thank god I’m not like her”.

Am I right?

That’s just sick.

I’m very much aware that people are constantly judging me from what I post on my blog. I wonder, could it be that some people are jealous because I’m such a happy person? Some people don’t even like the fact that I’m writing about my personal life here. (WTH?) It’s MY damn blog. I can write whatever I want. Honestly, I don’t take my blog too seriously. So as my videos. And yet, there are people who take what I’m posting on this blog too seriously. So what if I mention about the word sex, fuck, shit, ass boobs, penis?

Grow up. Gosh.

If you feel offended, I’m sorry that you are so sensitive. I’m not here to cater all your needs. I’m here to blog, and some people find it interesting. And I’m glad for that. Those people who think that I’m just a bimbo who doesn’t know anything beside eating chocolates and shopping, can always click the ‘X’ button at the corner up there and never come back.

Simple.

I know I’ve been posting some bimbo posts lately. Actually, other than the fact that I’ve been to busy to post new entries, (except for bimbo posts, cause more pictures need less words), I realized that deep inside somewhere at the bottom of my heart, I wanted to show (to certain people) that I’m living a great life. That I’m happy. That, I can be happy AND independent.
*bimbo posts: posts containing pictures of the blogger doing activities such as hanging out with friends, partying, partying, and partying. In other words, pictures with loads of camwhore pictures. =p

No further elaboration on that. I don’t need to explain anything.

Do you remember this post?

If you read that post, I said that I show a little of myself here.

If I show everything about myself here, would it be fun to get to know me anymore? There’s no surprises. Wouldn’t that be so boring?

You know, you can’t even know who someone really is, whether it’s your boyfriend, or your bestest friend forever UNTIL you live under one roof with that person for atleast 3 days. Then only you will get to notice the person’s habits. Of course, that person can fake. Try 3 months. No one can keep up an act more than 3 months and then, they’ll start to show their true colours.

Fascinating huh?

Anyways, my point is, you can’t judge someone based on a tiny piece of information on the internet. You can’t judge me based on what I write here. My blog doesn’t define who I am. It’s what I do. You can see how utterly pointless some of the posts are (actually, it’s the most, lol).  It’s purely just for fun. And I appreciate your attention. I never imagined my blog to be quite popular among bloggers. Malaysian bloggers, especially.

Internet is, after all, internet. Life is life. I’m not a geek who says that blog is my life and all that shit. Again, it’s just something that I do when I’m bored. When I need to rant, ramble, or say anything that I want.

If I feel like writing, I type. If I feel like posting pictures, I post. If I feel like doodling, I doodle. If I feel like going naked, I strip down.

I show a little of myself here, only what I want people to see.

Whatever it is, if you can’t resist from judging me, judge. Just because you’ve read all my posts, that doesn’t mean you know everything about me. If you want to think that way, be my guest. At the end of the day, I still win because I know who I am. You don’t know the real me. Therefore, your judgement is invalid. Hence, I won’t let you get to me.

Finally, I want to thank to all my supporters who always read my blog, whether it’s the regular commentators or the silent readers, I really appreciate you coming to my blog. Without my readers, my blog would be… well… unread.  =p

Thank you. *bows*

Bai.

lotsa pictures. please wait patiently while the pictures load.

When I was doing a bit of work, at exactly 1pm this evening, I got a phone call from an unknown number.

“Aisyah, it’s me. Did you get my message on MSN?” said a voice from the other end.

“oh hi! er… no.” *checks my MSN for any messages. “Nope, my MSN is so retarded la. What’s up?”

“oh, Im having an open house and you are invited!”

“oh? when?”

“NOW!!”

“wtf?”

so yeah, that was Asma asking me to come to her place. Since I missed her so much, I decided to.. just go.

Actually, I was so lazy to go to her place cause it’s at Bukit Jelutong and I’m waay over at Shah Alam. Luckily, Jaba was going too, so he was more than happy to bring me with him to Asma’s place. Except that he had to wait one hour for me to get ready.

Correction. 1 hour AND 15 minutes.

Sorry, Jaba. hehe

Since I’m feeling sexy today, I’m posting pictures of me on my blog (a lot). LOL.

me (left) and Asma. konon ayu. blueek.

keindahan yang dirosakkan

abusing god's *beautiful* creation is sinful. Don't copy this at home. or anywhere, for that matter.

warning: please don't do the sign that I did. it's baaad. left: Asma's horny face. hahahah

ayu* version 2.(ayu=pretty)

ayu my ass*

Jaba (left) and Asma. lovebirds

They look so cute together.  semoga bahagia hingga ke akhir ayat (bukan anak cucu sahaja oke) hoho.

from left: Nabila, Aisyah, Asma and Nadiah. In Asma's room

Asma's brother. AGAK kacak laa. haha kelakar orangnya.

lelaki-lelaki kachak (handsome guys)

melihat lelaki kacak (looking at the handsome guys)

..or this pretty girl. =)

abang hot dan sexy

abang comel. haha

senyuman yang aneh. weird. tayang gigi. show off. suka tengok lelaki. jakun rupanya.

Me: Jaba, take photos of me!
Jaba: why so many?
Me: I rarely get to be in pictures, that’s why!
Jaba: haha

Truth is, I wanted to feel like a ’supermodel’. haha. It has been ages since I had someone who would gladly take my photos eating, talking, laughing, and um… looking blurrrrr (?).

Melepaskan nafsu dan gian bergambar. haha.

cake & paper cup

cake & paper cup ver 2

Oh, I’m so vain.

More! more!

Elok sangat perangai. remake of this.

oookaaaay. that’s enough. haha.

We had loads of fun. I missed her soooo much! Azima couldn’t make it, though. She was off to Johor this morning. Oh well.

Then, after hanging out with Jaba, Asma and her brother, and her *ehem* brother’s friends *ehem*, and had lotsa chocolate cake, Jaba and I went to Burger King. Yeay! BK is now in SHAH ALAM! FINALLY! Believe it, or not? ;p

left: cheeeeeezy cheese stick. hahaha
right: duit raya. I’m rich!! LOL (and, I know I look weird)

I ordered my usual Mozarella cheese stick! hoho. I used to buy this stuff with my sister and we would it into the cinema! haha. God, I love this stuff. I also had a few bites of Jaba’s burger. ehehe

hmm... kachak jugak kawan aku ni. hoho =p

Actually, I wanted to post more pictures. but I’m afraid that you will explode. haha.

..(wtf?)

Nota kaki: Seriously, aku tak suka bila orang kata saya ayu. eww. Cantik, hot, sexy, cute dan gemuk boleh la. Tapi, bukan ayu. It’s soo… er… melambangkan kesopanan dan so ‘melayu terakhir’ which is obviously not me. haha.

Nota kaki kedua: gambar-gambar telah diedit menggunakan photoshop supaya jerawat, jeregat, lubang-lubang (kecuali lubang hidung) dan bintik-bintik kurang kelihatan. haaa. jangan tertipu ya! haha

ps, I’ve only lost 0.5kg. HAHAHAH! what a very very slow progress. What to do, I like to eat. *shrugs*

pps, this entry contains quite a lot of mix of Malay more than usual. hope you don’t mind.

pps, I lied. It’s not duit raya. heheh.

ppps, it’s already 19th Oct by the time I posted this. So it should be yesterday instead of today. heh.