I saw a friend’s post on facebook today complaining that he was annoyed with the typical “dah ada isi ke belum?” or “bila nak ada anak?” which striked me to do this post. This is a typical scenario experienced by all newlyweds.
I got married about a month after I turned 21 (in 2011). Such a young age in today’s world. I too was bombarded with those typical questions usually by makcik-makcik. However, after I told them that I was gonna pursue my final year degree first, most of them asked me “when are you gonna have kids, then? Jangan tangguh lama-lama”. I usually just fake a smile and try not to show that I was annoyed.
Here’s the thing.
I don’t believe that having kids is the first thing you should do after getting married. No one should be pressured to do it if that’s not what they want. Some people (like my husband and I) prefer to enjoy our time alone and get to know each other first, adapt to each other before having an addition to the family. Of course this is purely subjective to everyone.
Some people believe that having a baby will be ‘pengikat kasih’.
Personally, I beg to differ. I feel like if you were to love your spouse, love him/her for who they are, and not because he/she is the father/mother of your child. What I’m saying is, that should not be the basis of your love. If you are the lucky ones, over time you will come to love each other because of each other. Some, will be quite the opposite, God forbid. Of course, best if you can love your spouse for Allah. But let’s face it, not everyone know how to do that.
Seriously, go have fun with your partner. Get to know each other first. Fall in love. Then have kids.
Now, let’s move on to our main point, family & peer pressure.
This can be tricky to deal with, especially if you are sensitive by nature. The pressure from people around you to have kids can be overwhelming. The worst people who can give you the pressure are your in-laws and perhaps your own parents. There is no avoiding this. The difference is how great the pressure is. Mine wasn’t bad at all. The only one who pressured was my own mum and it was annoying enough, no thank you. Hahaha. The best way to deal with this is (not quite simply) to ignore it.
It can be hard to ignore, and having an understanding husband is crucial. Even if you both want children, you should not feel the pressure to do so. Here’s why: if you are stressed, you are less likely to ovulate. If you don’t believe me, google it, or ask a doctor. Not to mention, it can rip the joys of being newly married or trying to get pregnant out of you.
If you are not ready for kids, try to dodge the question or try to be patient and say “InsyaAllah bila ada rezeki“. Usually that will shut them up.