Having a baby, I find that it is easy to lose myself. I found an article by Pinky on Loosing yourself to motherhood and alhamdulillah, I’m relieved. The article is a proof that what I’m feeling is normal and I’m not alone. Honestly, I thought I was going crazy because I have …lost myself to motherhood.
My daily life now revolves around Sara. When I’m not breastfeeding, or putting her to sleep, I’m feeding her, chasing after her (she’s mobile now, crawling FAST) or catching her when she falls.
I don’t eat healthy foods, I eat leftovers and whatever I can grab with little time I have. I gulp (not sip) my coffee. I have shower in 10 minutes. I procrastinate peeing so many times that I caught UTI (urinary tract infection). I don’t exercise, which was something I used (and love) to do. Cleaning is a speedy, speedy thing, if I manage to do it.
and that, with ONE baby. An active, smart and curious one at that.
Yes, unfortunately I’m not one of those moms who feel amazinggg after they had a baby. I was overwhelmed and I had so many anxiety. I was unhappy a lot. I felt like my ‘freedom’ had just been robbed from me. However, I realize that is a very selfish thought and it is something I have to turn around.
To get mommy mojo back, Pinky highlighted several points:
1. Carving out ‘Me’ time
Carving out ‘me’ time can be a tricky one. I feel like I had to steal time just to have my morning shower or it will be pushed back to noon! I guess I need to talk to my husband so that he can take Sara for a few hours while I do my thing. Alone, uninterrupted. Although… I have no idea when that would be possible.
2. Schedule one activity a week
Hmm, gym perhaps? Or a run around the block. I can try. Ideally, I want something more challenging such as rock climbing or Skytrex challenge. But hey, baby steps yo.
3. Meet up with a friend who also has kids
Being a young mom has it’s downside. Most of my friends are still UNMARRIED. Yes, I’m THAT young. I feel so lonely because I don’t know many other moms and I can’t vent out my mommy problem to my single friends, they wouldn’t understand. I know, because I’ve been single, and I was oblivious of babies, and this whole mommy world.
However, I have a few mommy friend and this certainly can be done.
4. Start a gratitude list
Sara is amazing. MashaAllah. Motherhood can be very exhausting but also highly rewarding. I’m always happy to see her smile, to see her reach her milestone development. Whenever she gives me a kiss, a hug or call me ‘mama’, she makes my heart feel warm. In a lot of ways, she has changed me. She made me a less selfish person (I was a very very, self centered person, I admit), she made me more warm (I used to hate kids).
Oh, also, babywearing also helps me to feel happy. It allows me to carry Sara and have my hands free. Love love love. It’s my favourite part of motherhood. And I loveeee cute prints on cloth diapers.
Alhamdulillah, I got pregnant really fast after we decided to try for a baby. Maybe Allah knew if I didn’t get pregnant then, I might have changed my mind and delayed having a baby. Allah knows best.
Alhamdulillah, thank you Allah for Sara.
Husband - I have a wonderful responsible, supportive husband who is not afraid to help change Sara’s diaper. (and we are CD-ing!) He’s not afraid to wash the dishes, help clean the room, wash the toilet, organize the room. He might not be romantic (because he’s more of a logical person) but he is sensitive to my feelings. Sometimes he feels like a best friend to me. We love travelling and having our little adventures together. Whether it’s a city adventure in busy city of Bangkok or Camping in Great Ocean Road, Melbourne. Love love love.
Family - I have a great family, who always supports me. Especially my mom, although we bicker sometimes (because I’m such a hardheaded) but I know she means nothing but good intention to me. Alhamdulillah.
4. Ditch the stereotypes of a ‘good mother
I think the only person who set the stereotype is the mother herself. It’s easy to feel like a bad mother when someone points out something at what you’re doing. You are the only one who knows your child. And there’s no such thing as a super mom. All moms are a super mom when they raise a healthy child.
All in all, I’m okay. I just need to chill, breathe and keep being positive. No matter how many times I wake up at night, how thick my eye bags are, or how much I’m breaking out (due to bad sleep and unhealthy diet) I. need. to. stay. positive.
And keep praying things will get easier.