Hi, my name is Aisyah Rozi. This is my personal blog where I share my life experience, thoughts, ideas and occasionally, my projects. Recently, however, I share a lot about being a young mother. I'm also a YouTuber, so do checkout my channel! <3
Dec 24 2011

*sigh

These past few days, I’ve been feeling so weak, mentally. I haven’t been able to work hard on making clothes, partially because I’m bored of drafting and I need a sewing mannequin so badly so that I can drape the clothes instead. Also, I am so frustrated with myself because I feel like I have lost my skills, and I feel like I can’t do anything. I feel like I don’t want to do anything. I don’t want to go to Melbourne. I don’t want to work. I just, want to do what I love to do. Like, painting and making clothes. and then, there’s self conflicts. But no point going there, I don’t want to be judged or anything.

I thought about deferring my degree to Sept intake but my husband said I should just go for March intake and then I’ll be done by December. But.. I don’t know. I feel like I should be ready for it.

Gosh. I’m so complicated I can’t even make sense out of this. Maybe it’s just one of those days. I hope it’ll pass very soon.

Dec 07 2011

it’s FINALLY over!

YES! I’ve done it. My diploma is finally over! I’m happy, but not extremely happy no thanks to my bad performance for this last semester. Surely, I struggled, I almost pulled off my best but it was not enough. I wished I did pull off my best. Then again I would have neglected my newly wedded husband, I can’t deny that.

Anyway, I have nothing much to say now. I’m  probably going to buy a new book on fashion illustration or sewing. And maybe start sewing as soon as I finish the book I’m reading.
Truthfully, I’m still taken aback of what happened this semester. More like upset, really. I feel like I’ve failed my own expectations, and that feeling is not good at all. Let’s see the results soon.

On other note, I hope that I can further degree in Melbourne! It’s a one-year degree for part 1, and I’m not so sure what’s the plan yet, but I’m just gonna go with the flow, and let’s see what happens. Anyway, here’s my final studio work. It’s an extreme park inspired by Plants VS Zombies game. I hope you like it.

Nov 09 2011

Happiest Moment in My Life :)

I was so nervous as I walked down the stairs to the living room where all the families & guests were. My dad, tok kadi and my then fiancé were in the middle of the room. I sat down at the corner with my beautiful closest friends and watched my then fiancé closely, almost unbelieving. 10th September 2011, marked the day I became a wife, barely a month after my 21st birthday.

20 years old and I already made the biggest decision in my life; to get married. Everybody kept telling me that I’m too young. I had no idea what to expect and how it was going to change my life. For sure, I knew it will change my life a way or another.

After we got engaged, my life went upside down. Our relationship changed, and it was the hardest time of my life. We stumble, we fell, and we fought, hard, most of the time. And I was having inner conflicts with my decision whether or not to go on with the decision. My biggest conflicts were; How? Who? & What?
1. How is this decision gonna change my life;
2. Is he the right person, and;
3. Will I be happy?

He was lost, too. I knew because he became different, and that worsened my doubts but I guess so was I. Throughout the end, we finally burst and  at the edge of breaking up. At that time I thought we were over.

But, I had faith in us, and we’d find ourselves back. And we did. Just two weeks before the wedding, I got him back. I could tell that he knew he got me back.

As he accepted the solemnization, I felt this deep feeling like a kind of happiness I had never felt before. I looked at him like I had never looked at him before. Then, I realized that I found peace within myself. All the doubts and conflicts I had before just went away.

Now, we are savouring each other’s presence. Going to bed and waking up to each other everyday is a bliss. There, my happiest moment in my life was the very moment I became his wife. Surely, this beautiful moment will be cherished forever, thanks to technology.

Oct 28 2011

that night, there was a spider.

I was digging through the piles of boxes, looking for a box to put my studio materials. The store area under the stairs where dark and full of spider webs. Small ones big ones, ugly ones, naah.  Then I saw just the perfect box. I tried to reach it with my hands but I couldnt. So I stretched my left leg and tried to take it out using my feet.

Then I felt a tiny mass crawling on my ankle and down to my foot. It’s a spider, I can feel it. A pretty big one. I was so stunned I was afraid to even move. And then, the spider slowly, injected its venom into my foot. I panicked but still couldn’t dare to move my left foot. I was raging, my right leg already kicking. I wanted to get out of here.

“B, there’s a spider! There’s a spider!” I screamed and cried while tapping the floor with my hands and kicking my right leg. My left foot remained still. I could still feel the spider. Eddie came to me and asked what wrong. “There’s a spider, there! My foot! spider, foot!” I pointed. I was crying out of panic. I thought the spider was going to kill me. and then, he said, “Honey, there’s no spider under the blanket,”

I couldn’t believe what he said and started crying louder. He got up to my legs, and swept everything off my legs. “It’s my foot! Left foot!” I screamed.

“Honey, there’s no spider. See, it’s nothing. No spider. Don’t cry, okay?” I opened my eyes and saw that he pushed the blanket to the floor and no spider. I moved my left leg and I felt nothing. Immediately, I stopped crying as I realized it was just a dream. He then pulled the blanket back up, hugged me and we both went back to sleep.

 

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